


Own Up

by ComicBooksBro



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Reunion in Heaven, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Dean Winchester in Heaven, Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Light Angst, M/M, Nervous Castiel (Supernatural), Post-Canon, no beta we die like dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27697516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComicBooksBro/pseuds/ComicBooksBro
Summary: Castiel hadn't expected to need to face the consequences of his actions.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 177





	Own Up

**Author's Note:**

> Saw this concept in a Tumblr post and couldn't resist. I hope ya like it!
> 
> Also! This is my 50th spn fic, cool!

_Cas._

***

_Cas, I know you’re here._

***

_Please stop hiding from me._

***

_I miss you._

***

_Did I do something wrong?_

***

_Cas!_

***

_I didn’t fucking die just to get stood up._

***

_I’m not mad._

***

_I just wanna talk._

***

_There’s something I need to say._

***

Dean Winchester has been dead far too long for Castiel’s liking. He also died far too soon, which is a problem for more than one reason.

And now Dean wants to talk.

If Castiel is being perfectly honest, he hadn’t expected to be around for this. He had expected nothingness. He had expected endless sleep, nightmares, and regret. Or whatever came with a long sleep in the empty—he had never been there long enough to find out.

Then Jack had become god, pulled him out of the empty, and restored his wings before giving him the job of helping to redesign Heaven, and while Castiel was pleasantly surprised, he was also terrified. He hadn’t thought he’d ever need to face the consequences of his confession to Dean—but at least he would have a long time until Dean died.

Then Dean died, pretty dang quickly.

And Castiel thought, in a completely un-angelic, undignified way: _fuck._

This was not how things were supposed to go.

Dean was supposed to live a long— _long_ life, and by the time he ended up in Heaven he was supposed to have forgotten all about Castiel and whatever he may or may not have said before he died. Dean _wasn’t_ supposed to get impaled on a piece of rebar less than six months after god died. (And Castiel wasn’t supposed to have to watch that, either; forbade to help by Jack and even barred from earth for the moment. Jack hadn’t trusted him to stay out of it, and Castiel hadn’t blamed him.)

Dean also wasn’t supposed to be praying incessantly, which only provoked Castiel’s anxiety.

Dean wanted to talk to him.

_Please, Cas. Less than five minutes._

Dean was insistent.

_You never need to see me again._

And due to Dean’s newly-acquired ability to not sleep, it never stopped. So here Cas was: in the middle of a field, hands over his ears, restored wings wrapped around his body, and his mind racing a million miles an hour—all because he couldn’t talk to a boy.

Eventually Sam died, which seemed to quiet Dean for a while, but it didn’t last long. It never did.

_It’s nothing bad, I promise. I just wanna make sure you’re okay._

_You’re scaring me._

Guilt prickles at the back of Castiel’s neck. He doesn’t want Dean to worry on his behalf, but the idea of facing Dean is almost worse. There’s only so long Castiel can go on listening to Dean’s prayers without going insane.

_Damnit, man. Can you at least show up to tell me if my dog made it here?_

At least that one made Castiel smile.

_Please? We don’t even need to talk. I just want to see you._

That one makes him want to cry.

***

Then Dean goes quiet for a while, and that worries Castiel. Dean is still around, obviously, and he goes about his time in Heaven like he always does, but he’s stopped praying. A small part of Castiel is relieved, but the rest of him wants to know what’s wrong.

Which is why, when Dean prays what must be close to the equivalent of two weeks later, Castiel shows up almost immediately. And when he does, Dean has the audacity to smile.

“Fucking finally,” he says, a small smile playing on his lips. “I was starting to wonder if Bobby had lied about you just to make me feel better.” Castiel felt a guilty twinge in his chest. “Come on,” Dean stepped forward and spread his arms.

Castiel stayed frozen.

Dean sighed, walked forward, and pulled a stiff-bodied Castiel into a hug. The angel still didn’t relax, but it felt nice. “Listen,” Dean stepped back. “We don’t ever need to talk about it again after this, I just have a couple questions.”

He didn’t even have to say what ‘it’ was, Castiel knew. It was a topic that couldn’t be confused with much else, and though Castiel had hoped he would never need to face the consequences of his actions, he hadn’t regretted it for a moment.

“You weren’t lying, right?”

Castiel searches Dean’s face for a hint of revulsion, or maybe disappointment, but finds none. What he does find, however, is worry, and a nervousness uncommon in Dean.

“About what you—“ there’s a brief moment where Dean’s voice tapers off in an unsure crack. “What you said, at the end? You meant it, didn't you?”

Castiel doesn’t want to answer. He meant every single word of it, more than Dean could ever know—but Dean is giving him an out. Which means...

Even after all his time on earth, Castiel has no idea what that means.

“Yes.” Castiel wants to say more, to possibly explain himself, but his words won’t order themselves properly. “All of it. I still do.”

Dean’s expression suddenly turns relieved, but doesn’t lose all of the tension in it. “Okay, uh, one more question.” If Dean was anyone else, Castiel would think he was blushing, but he doesn’t think Dean would take kindly to that assumption. Either way, his cheeks are pink. “Did you mean it...” Dean takes a deep breath. He looks like he’s suffering, which doesn’t help Castiel’s fears. “I really don’t wanna fuck things up, so: did you mean it in a _brotherly_ way?”

Castiel bites the inside of his cheek. “No.”

“Oh thank _fuck,”_ Dean sighs. Castiel swears he can see some of the tension ebbing from Dean’s shoulders. “So it’s not gonna be weird when I ask if I can kiss you, right?”

Castiel thinks he can feel something in his brain short-circuit, but nods anyway. _When,_ his fuzzed brain repeats. _Not ‘if.’_ He feels giddy. _Dean wants to kiss him._ Any hope of regaining some form of coherent thought is absolutely demolished by the time Dean’s hand is cradling Castiel’s cheek.

“Last chance to back out, Cas. You sure?”

Castiel kisses him as an answer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos appreciated!
> 
> <3
> 
> (On a side note: I think something with Cas' possibly canon rainbow wings is next. Hehehe.)


End file.
